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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?